I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
just tell him i said nine months
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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