i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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