so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
