I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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