That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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