I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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