I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Randomize
