that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
