Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
