Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
