We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
