Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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