my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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