Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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