i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
the day after is always just damage control
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
