her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
