it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
