She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
