FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
