he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
