In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
