Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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