That's when you crack a 10am beer
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
