somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
