yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
