the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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