If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
