Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(949): View more from California

Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.

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(714): View more from California

thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.

Fav 31 1448 5964
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(941): View more from Florida

I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.

Fav 11 5321 1316
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(928): View more from Arizona

This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.

Fav 15 1384 3919
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(907): View more from Alaska

HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!

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(402): View more from Nebraska

He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.

Fav 9 1893 3605
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(937): View more from Ohio

Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?

Fav 16 1265 2823
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(406): View more from Montana

I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive

Fav 3 1566 672
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(416): View more from Toronto

The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children

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