I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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