we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
