she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
