Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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