i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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