I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
