I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
