I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
