awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
