i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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