thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
