Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
