I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
