I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
