I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
