Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
