Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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