Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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