I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
