the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
