I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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