Umm I'm too high to move.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
